Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Guest Post by Top Grevey.

Not to be confused with either Cary Grant or Topper Headon, our own Top "Topsman" Grevey earned some national notoriety back in '75 for his aborted Gerald Ford assassination attempt. After just squeaking out from custody, he has triumphantly reemerged.
Despite his claims that it was accidental, it seems that football player Terrell Owens tried to kill himself, which confuses me to no end. When it comes to premature death, athletes seem to rarely commit suicide. Suicide is reserved for those musicians who are too afraid to get into an airplane. Athletes, it seems, only die of eventual oscurity and franchise ownership (car dealerships, fast food joints, baseball teams). Being an athlete is widely considered to be the least depressing activity a person can engage in, other than playing piano while Ella Fitzgerald sings "Cheek to Cheek."
I think I understand the cause for the confusion. About a year (maybe two?) ago, when T.O. started getting big (side note--what kind of asshole goes by the initials that are universally recognized to mean "Time out?"), he was most often described as being a bit too small for pro football, and basically an asshole. I was immediately reminded of the role for which Cuba Gooding, Jr. won an Oscar, the "Show me the money!"-shouting Rod Tidwell. Does anyone else remember his hilarious, over-the-top, some-say-racist performance in that movie? Or what about Frank Sachs, Greg Kinnear's boyfriend in As Good As It Gets? In fact, we can even go back to his subdued but powerful performance in Boyz N the Hood. Clearly, the kid had talent. But somewhere along the way he became Mr. Snow Dogs-Radio-Daddy Day Camp.
So I think this may be another incidence of misreporting. Cuba Gooding Jr., depressed with the direction his career is going, has committed suicide, but the press mixed him up with T.O. (as have I) and just failed to check their facts. T.O. will have some very complicated things to explain to the stupified masses now.


Blogger Craig said...

William H. Macy got robbed at the '97 Oscars

Wed Sep 27, 11:02:00 PM EDT  
Blogger David Bowie said...

I forgot to mention that Top is disturbingly, even paternally proud of his having once seen Boyz N The Hood. This is an oft neglected portion of his character.

Thu Sep 28, 12:17:00 PM EDT  

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