The Glory and The Shame - January 2008
In my ongoing quest to catalog which sports figures are enjoying the greatest increase and/or decrease in good fortunes, I give you this, from the loving oven of my heart. Let this glorious shame wash over you and cleanse you of your sins.
THE GLORY
1 - Eli Manning
1 - Eli ManningWhat once was pitiful and filled with remorse has sprung forth from the depths of mediocrity. Behold! The Quarterback! Hushing his many critics for a whole week, Eli has served to prove at last that the Giants totally overpaid for him and still regret it. Sorry, Eli...
2 - Bud Selig
2 - Bud SeligHow did he get an extension so soon after the steroids implosion? This man has omega-pimp powers that historians will be struggling to explain for decades to come. Full, double hand slap, pimp powers.
3 - Dwight Howard
Currently enjoying a season of dominance not seen since the movie 'Kazaam' ruled the box office for two years and 3 weeks, Dwight Howard has become the darling of the NBA season. Alas, after the Magic lose to the Rockets in the finals he'll be traded away for a 12 piece KFC bucket. It'll be a fine season in the meantime.
THE SHAME
1 - Mascots
2 - Gilbert Arenas
The sting lies in knowing how much better your team has played without you. Yet another injury in a contract year as well? *tsk tsk* Hopefully his side career of becoming the next Apollo Creed can work out after all.
3 - Mangenius
Manny G, seen here in happier days, has endured perhaps the most difficult year of them all. But he didn't lost to the Dolphins, and that will have to serve as an icy cold comfort.
HONOR GUARD
3 - Dwight HowardCurrently enjoying a season of dominance not seen since the movie 'Kazaam' ruled the box office for two years and 3 weeks, Dwight Howard has become the darling of the NBA season. Alas, after the Magic lose to the Rockets in the finals he'll be traded away for a 12 piece KFC bucket. It'll be a fine season in the meantime.
THE SHAME
1 - Mascots
2 - Gilbert ArenasThe sting lies in knowing how much better your team has played without you. Yet another injury in a contract year as well? *tsk tsk* Hopefully his side career of becoming the next Apollo Creed can work out after all.
3 - MangeniusManny G, seen here in happier days, has endured perhaps the most difficult year of them all. But he didn't lost to the Dolphins, and that will have to serve as an icy cold comfort.
HONOR GUARD
Jesus Christ
Always know that for every hit you get, you must thank Jesus for allowing this to happen, and be grateful that Jesus hates the pitcher you're facing for having masturbated all through college and a bit during the honeymoon.
Always know that for every hit you get, you must thank Jesus for allowing this to happen, and be grateful that Jesus hates the pitcher you're facing for having masturbated all through college and a bit during the honeymoon.
Labels: Crash is a disgrace of a Movie, Kazaam rules the box office for 2nd straight year, The Glory and the Shame January
posted by Sycophantman at 8:36 AM
9 Comments:
You are on a MFCS roll today.
Jerking it is so hard when you live on campus with a roommate. Fortunately my roommate went home every weekend, so I could always find time to do it when I came back drunk and (sigh) alone.
Where would you find the time to jerk it during a honeymoon? When you're in the bathroom? When she's in the bathroom? It would have to be a mighty quick one...
This explains your utter failure in all the realms of sport. Jesus must have taken away all your athletic ability when he stripped away your soul...
Honeymoon masturbation is surprisingly easy, by the way, the trick is to always have a little gas that you can bump up to full blown bowel movement...
I'll be sure to remember that if I ever get a honeymoon.
On topic again: is that a Miller bottle in Eli's hand? Or is it photoshopped there (along with the girl)?
The Eli photo is completely unphotoshopped, by me at least. He and Kyle Orton should totally throw a kegger together.
The rise and fall of Gilbert Arenas makes me sad. That Hibachi! shirt I bought two years ago is completely irrelevant. I'll never see those $12 again.
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