Thursday, January 04, 2007

ESPN really dislikes black people



Maybe it's just ESPN.com. Or, more precisely, Page 2, that festering wasteland ever since Paul Lukas started his blog, Jason Whitlock got canned and Bill Simmons developed a gigantic crush on Bill Simmons. Page 2 hires black people to write for them but only if they can prove that they're functionally illiterate. From The Year In Lists:

Bomani Jones chose to write about the best James Brown songs. A noble endeavor, and his number 1 song is a spectacular choice: "The Payback", from the album of the same name. But then things go downhill - "Check this lyric. "Don't do me no dern favors/I don't know karate, but I know ka-razor/yes he do!" Nope, James wasn't the one to mess with."

Which would be nice. If it was the right lyric. Except that JB says, "I don't know karate, but I know ka-razy. Which actually makes sense. And is funny. And is an awesome line. And is not what Bomani Jones thinks the line is.

But Bomani, bless his heart, is only one half of this shit sandwich. Scrolling down we find a list by the always-lucid Scoop Jackson. No, not the Democratic Congressman who thought the Vietnam War was a pretty neat idea. The writer, of whom Whitlock once remarked, ""the publishing of [Jackson's] fake ghetto posturing is an insult to black intelligence."

Read his list. Go on, I'll wait. Notice a pattern. Yes, if you couldn't tell, Scoop Jackson is black. Black to the core. Black to the depths of his soul, which is also black, but not in the way that you mean it when you're describing a moustache-twirling villain. Black like Frederick Douglas and Martin Luther King and 50 Cent. And almost to an item, his list describes all the black things he likes. Because he's black, if you forgot. I have nothing against Barack Obama. I like Barack Obama, I may very well vote for him, but to call him the writer of the year, for yet another "uplifting" tome by a politician with big ambitions which will be forgotten in 6 months? A bit of a stretch. But then again, Scoop Jackson is black. So don't forget it.

ESPN.com hates black people because this is the sort of black person they hire. Clowns. I don't blame the writers - they do what they do. I blame those who hire them, who foist them on the public, and who make money out of their shucking and jiving. You're telling me these are the two most qualified black writers that ESPN could find.......

Actually, now that I think about it, what Bill Simmons does is pretty much the white person equivalent of shucking and jiving ("Yes massah, Rocky IV sho' was good, and mah woman done distracted me from 'dat TV jus' when it be gettin' good.") so I guess this is a theme they've explored across races. I stand corrected. But it's still "kah-razy", you illiterate fuck.

1 Comments:

Blogger Matthew said...

I came here on a search for an image of Dr. Strangelove, and this post caught my eye. I read it in it's entirety, and I must say that it's the funniest thing that I've read in a while. Well done, sir. I'll be visiting again soon.

Wed Mar 21, 08:29:00 PM EDT  

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